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︎ zazen bozo ︎


︎︎︎ January 11th, 2024 ︎︎︎

AAP


(Abby Appreciation Post)



Abby appreciation post?
Abby appreciation post.
I have had a tendency, historically, to do things all at once. From what I’ve observed, my father has this same habit, and it’s leaked into other members of my family to a greater or lesser extent. We plan and we hedge but when it comes time to make a decision it tends to be made right then and there. The pressure has got to be on for it to be made with authenticity.

This is a methodology I do my best to work against. I feel this way because I like to know where it is I’m going, and I think leaving it up to the last moment can lead to snap-decisions that don’t have much to do with the future. This isn’t always the case, but it often is.

We like to think we can change, and we can, but it isn’t always a thing of instants. Relying too much on those emergent moments can be crippling and confusing. We’re creatures of habit, by and large, and those habits happen over time. They’re built on.

Where things really get prickly, and the purpose of this post, is in things that you can’t really plan for. How will you respond to your kneecap being 4” from where it ought to be? Or how about getting lost, or a flat tire, or a winning lottery ticket? What about becoming a Mom?

You can fancy yourself motherly and you can do the research but it’s not something you can really know until it’s happened and you’ve got the small human in front of you.

That’s a path that requires faith to embark on, and really, why I’m bringing this up is I’ve just been astonished by the grace abby’s brought to this threshold. She approached it with faith and confidence, and she’s held on to that, she holds it now. There’ve been moments of overwhelm, moments of less than fun, but there’s not been much that didn’t feel like improvement, that didn’t feel beautiful. 


I’m not sure I’ve seen anybody do anything as well as Abby’s being a new mother. That’s a simple fact describing something monumental. It’s not easy, she’s not going about it with the careless ease of a new NBA draft-pick, but I think that’s part of the perfection. A skill isn’t just our innate ability or the product of our most difficult ability, it’s really how we go about getting from suckin’ at something to being sorta good at something. It’s in the difficult moments that she really shines. It’s at 3am when, for the twentieth night in a row, Roby’s needed to get back to sleep on mom. 

I do my best to help, but Mom’s mom, and she’s the best.
Really, there aren’t words for it.
Roby’s a lucky girl, and I’m a lucky man. I feel more certain about that every day, and less capable of putting it to words, too. 

Abby’s the best.
She’s a genius,
and an angel,
and I’m luckier than anybody. 

Bozo