Maybe I should just make this entire blog into an AAB, an Abby Appreciation Blog. I went into Burlington today for the better part of the day and it was a drag. Being away from Abby is a drag, and Roby too. 

I’ve been thinking about the ease and the difficulty of complex binary moments. Points in time when decisions must be made, decisions that direct a life, choices with two very different sides to them. That meme with the two castles comes to mind. 

What I’m realizing about those decisions is that they don’t stop after they’ve been made, you need to affirm them, and keep them up. The ease and the truth of your chosen direction will dictate the ease and the truth of the path it sets you on. 

I know some folks having a hard time. Family life isn’t sitting with them very comfortably. I suspect that a part of what’s making things so difficult is that the decision itself, to start a family, was not an easy one. Not that it wasn’t easy for them to do it, to concieve, but that they weren’t sure they wanted to in the first place. That uncertainty lingers, making all the future deicsions made within its context harder to swallow in and of themselves. 

That doesn’t mean that we should only choose the easy options, obviously not, but I do think it means that when we make the hard decisions we’re setting out on a journey of affirming the rightness of those choices. We can’t rest on the laurels of having chosen the hard thing, we are obliged to choose it every day and must find comfort in that anew, again and again if we’re to survive. 

This is all speculation because I’m only thinking about this because of how much of a contrast it is to how easy things are with Abby, how easy they have always been. It’s not effortless, it hasn’t been simple, we’ve had challenges and we’ve had difficulties but I don’t believe either of us ever felt like we didn’t want to work through them.

It’s like with Roby, things have been challenging (though not really that challenging) but they’ve still been easy. Which is to say navigating the challenges has been easy, a joy, even. They’re a pleasure to explore, and I think some of that started with how easy and effortless our decision to concieve her was. It didn’t really feel like a decision. It felt obvious, effortless. 

I feel luckier and luckier all the time, the decisions are easy and the days are nice as you like.