In my experience relationships that go on for a long time, the lucky sort of relationships,can be helped along by having a common enemy of sorts. That can be the local government, a house you’re fixing up, a person, your careers. The relationship itself is a terrible common enemy. As humans we love to work on things, and if we’ve got nothing to work on, we’ll invent something. Like art, or video games, or God forbid something like chess. 

Some common enemies are solved with frustration, others with sheer force of will, others still with ingenuity or money or some combination of these and an infinity of other demands. 

One thing I’ve really loved about the project of raising a child with my partner is that it’s something that cannot be done well with sheer force of will, or money, or frustration, it can only be done with love and love alone. 

It requires force of will and money and ingenuity and a million other things, obviously, but they all require an undergird of love. That’s what’s most important. 

Learning to solve a problem with Abby using our heads or our wallets or our hatred has been productive and fun in the past. It’s been a learning process. But for now, this, our largest, longest, most beautiful and most important labor to be a thing primarily of love feels good.

I recommend it.
I recommend it more every single day, even the ones where I did not sleep very much the night before. especially the ones where I did not sleep very much the night before.