︎ zazen bozo ︎


︎︎︎ July 14th, 2023 ︎︎︎
This isn’t a diary exactly, and that makes it more difficult and potentially less interesting. But only potentially
I get the feeling that out and out diaries, the sorts where there’s no expectation that anyone’ll read it apart from you, at least until you’re dead, make for something as boring as second hand dreams.

The honesty’s just too much. 
Here maybe, the honesty’s just right. 

I figure I can be fairly frank, there’s perhaps a half dozen people who read it with any consistency?

I was thinking earlier about writing here that I’m sick of people and I don’t want to see any more of them, apart from you, dear reader. If you take the time out of your busy lives to read this, I’m not sick of you, almost certainly. Unless you read it out of spite, in which case I potentially am still not sick of you but you are in fact, sick of me, but in a kind of schadenfreude sort of way? 
I started the notes that would become this blog post earlier today in line at a Walmart. It was a rage trip to walmart after a full day in a full week in a full month in what will almost certainly end up being perhaps the most full year of my life. Nowhere can feel so crowded as a Walmart. I’ve felt less crowded on a passenger airplane (in economy) than I did waiting in line for customer service at a walmart. 

Customer service is right by the entrance, so your time waiting is spent buffeted by arrivals of teenagers and families, old folks and people in hats. I felt like my psyche was being attacked by 220 grit sandpaper. My writing of this blog was interrupted by a kid who definitely knew what an Ipad is asking me what my Ipad is. Then he asked me about many of my tattoos in quick succession, then he told me he was a cute baby, but chubby. He was perhaps 6. It was a far more pleasant experience than I had anticipated having as I sped to Walmart grumpy and listening to a heavy metal band called Tomb Mold.

I’ve been listening to the Soundtrack to Mishima: A Life In Four Chapters by Philip Glass. That’s a good soundtrack for a good movie. It has made life feel very fast and fleeting and grand and also sticky as the mud that fills basements across this part of the state. All that mud and all that mud has done has made me a bit grumpy, that and cleaning my place for a party and welcoming people in to my home and unwelcoming someone from my home and trying to do work inside and outside while it rains endlessly and doing all of those things while simultaneous to the beginning and middle of this sentence.

Things pile up and also it has been very hot lately, and humid too.

 

Bozo