︎ zazen bozo ︎


︎︎︎ August 24th, 2023 ︎︎︎


I’m proud of myself today. I was doing a bit of woodworking, timber framing, really, and it went very well until it didn’t. I was having a pure nice time  listening to the same music I’m listening to still: seven hours straight of the Blindboy piano. The sun was shining, the breeze was breezing, and I thought the work was coming together until I actually put it together and I saw my error in a tremendous misalignment. 

The worst part wasn’t the wasted work, I can just do it again, the worst part was not knowing where I had gone wrong. If I don’t know where I’ve gone wrong how can I avoid doing it again?

It was all awfully discouraging,
I felt terribly discouraged and not very combobulated at all. I had a bit of a tantrum, I took the thing apart and tidied up with a bit more energy than was strictly necessary and I went into my office and sat by the fan pouting. 

Abby brought me tea and in about an hour I felt fine.

Previously I might have remained frustrated in a cycle of ongoing embarassment, frustration, disappointment, guilt, and disgust. Instead I forgave myself and decided to make jokes with Abby and watch a tee vee show. 

This is not something I would have had success with in the not so distant past. In the not so distant past it would have ruined my night, and potentially my tomorrow. And the funny thing is, by being calm, I actually figured out what it is that went wrong and even realized that the fix would only take about five minutes. 

Bozo