I’m writing this post from the car as I do as often as I can. It’s a real reward to not have to be on the computer at night. Instead of having to power it up, and power myself up I can just copy some notes, post, and go right to sleep. If I’m really thoughtful I’ll do the post at lunch and not even have to turn the computer on.

For this particular drive in the car we’re headed to church, and we’re doing it early because we’re being blessed as proper catechumen. The process is different for every parish, from what I understand. The Orthodox lacks the book that the Catholics enjoy, which is something of a disappointment, it’d be nice, I think.

Instead what we have is a bible study with other inquirers and conversation with Father Mark. And really, Father Mark is a considerable inspiration, him and the church he has cultivated. It smells nice and it looks nice and it feels nice. Where I tend to respond to questions of a theological nature with anxiety, even defensiveness, and little clarity, Father Mark brings mystery and good humor. He’s not a legalistic scholar come to blow away smoke and give good, clean answers, he’s a fellow traveler who’s committed his life to the trail.

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People congratulated us, and another catechumen spoke with Abby about the weight of confession, really the weight of the time before confession, first confession specifically.

To have navigated life the best you can, and to have done the very modern work of post rationalizing every decision, mistake, sin, triumph, and misstep, is really difficult to reflect on from a Christian perspective. 

Well, perhaps not difficult, but painful. Now that I’ve been blessed in this way I can begin the challenging considerations. I never felt particularly good about my choices, or particularly bad. Perhaps that will help.