Three hundred and sixty five days, ten hours, and three minutes of fatherhood as of beginning to write this blog post. While there have been difficult moments, I think I could count them on both hands, my toes don’t even need to get involved. All of those wretched stories by complaining fathers who’ve ended up in lives they do not understand or appreciate well enough to worship, were greatly exaggerated.

Many such cases.

The first days were strange, I recall. Mostly the realization that, there’s no going back, there are no breaks, this is the whole thing. That feeling wasn’t bad, it was just a lot, and any time it felt overwhelming, Roby was there to wiggle around and have a head that smelled like another world.

Another realization was that there really are no breaks, and never will be, not because we could’t afford to hire a babysitter for date night, but even if we could, we’d just talk about Roby and miss her the whole time. We took her on a date night to three penny tavern a little while ago, and she was the star, like she always is.

We’ll have just threaded the needle with regards to finding God through parenthood. Abby and I are joining the church and receiving our first communion with perhaps 12 and a half hours to spare. Obviously we were well on our way before Roby was born, but boy oh boy, did she put the pedal to the metal... Petal to the medal.

A year in, it feels like the beginning, like I actually know what I’m doing a little bit.

After our Chrismation my sponsor, Michael Gore, very softly patted me on the back and said that this was just the beginning. He was very happy to be my sponsor, very proud and very kind. It was a last minute request after we he drove me back from the New Skete monastery last weekend. We got on quite well, we like a lot of the same books, we go to the same church, and I think some of our attitudes are the same. I like him a lot, suffice it to say.

It does feel like the beginning. 

I’ve felt as though I’ve been hanging on the cusp of some monumental change for the past while now, maybe this is it. I certainly feel a bit lighter today.