It’s not like I did all that much today, but still, I’m so sleepy. Is that just the new thing, on this side of fatherhood? I went on a walk, I accompanied Abby down town to look for gifts, I did my work, I loaded some firewood, I cooked dinner. 

I oughta have some time to write my novel and paint an icon, right? Is it winter, my bad scheduling, my lack of discipline, an occult curse of some kind?

It’s likely a lack of exercise, the fact that I had a bit of gout yesterday and chose to fast today, and I’m just not as disciplined as I could be. 

It’ll be interesting to revisit these posts a few years from now, when it’s much harder, then much easier, or maybe just much harder. We’l see what happens. 

I don’t expect the world to get any simpler or any easier to be in, I don’t expect work to get much easier or more profitable. I expect to have another kid, I expect things to become more expensive. I don’t expect there to be more hours in the day.

But it’s all a gift. I was pure tired this morning walking through the cold with Roby. She was snoring up a storm from some nose issue we can’t figure out and it felt very important and very clear to just...let all that go. To accept it and to enjoy it. 

In the past that would have been a wistfully wise thing to say, psuedo-buddhist, really. Now the language is about laying worries and failures at the foot of the cross, and being open to the holy spirit. 

The language still doesn’t come natural, it feels a bit embarassing, but it arrives in my thoughts cleanly enough, and my heart.