Last night on my way home I accidentally smashed the rear window of my car. I was pretty upset in the moment and pretty anxiety-ridden the rest of the night, and also this morning. That’s a cool $400 that I really don’t have to spare at the moment, unfortunately.

Then today on our way back from a repair Abby was doing at Red Hen the brakes on our Prius locked up. It was unclear wether or not we’d make it home. With a baby in the car that’s a fairly stressful turn of events. Abby had a hard time with it, rightly so, but, without being egotistical, I was pretty cool under pressure. We switched drivers and I made it back home. That car will sadly be sold for parts. 

It’s the slow burning problems, the lack of cashflow, the political dumpster fire we’re witnessing, the climate, that give me anxiety and sometimes that anxiety manifests in sour moods and serious disquiet. It is in those moments that Abby really stands apart. She keeps so cool and helps me actually plan for the future in a productive way. 

It’s in the explosive problems, the disasters and emergencies that I keep a cool head. 

Part of me believes that that’s just part of our relationship, part of what makes it work. In the same way that she’s good with machines, things that have discrete parts, and I’m good with building things and fixing dry wall and what not.
We’re complimentary. 

I push boundaries and she keeps us grounded. 

It’s a beautiful thing. 

But today I’ve wondered how much of that is also gendered. 
Am I made to be anxious because I’m meant to be going out, getting into trouble and bringing back meat or whatever? 
Is she cool calm and collected because she needs to comfortably remain home to tend crops and babies? 
Does this even matter?

Probably not,
I’m just glad I get to hang out with her every day. 
Abby’s the best.
This turned into another AAP.