︎ zazen bozo ︎


︎︎︎ February 20th, 2023 ︎︎︎


 

This is the first time I’ve not really felt like posting since I started this project. The first time I felt actual resistence. It’s not for any particular reason. I just feel kind of nauseous, kind of anxious; those feelings are often synonyms, in their way.

Today wasn’t long but it felt long, it wasn’t particularly hard but it felt particularly hard. 

I haven’t left the homestead in a while, but I did today and I have to tomorrow and the day after and the day after that. 

In just a few months I’ve conditioned myself to have a difficult time being away from a dozen acres of pine forest some place in Vermont. I think that’s kind of nice.

Every life style has got complications and difficult bits and as far as those go, this ain’t the worst.
I don’t like travelling, and the money I spend goes towards objects that I’ve convinced myself will last. The goal there is to improve this place and make it so I don’t have to leave. 

I’ve been wearing shoes all winter, my bare feet might sprout roots this summer, that’s how attached I am. 

In a few years it might be impossible for me to leave.

That or I’ll just puke. 

Bozo