Talking Shit About Other Parents
In the beginning I accepted disparaging comments about how difficult parenthood was and would be with a quiet nod and a shrug. When Roby was born I found such comments to be distasteful and aggravating. Now such comments will ruin my mood, and perhaps my entire evening.
Last night a friend of a friend commented, while holding his 8 week old, that kids are just work until they can talk, then they’re great. I’ve heard this sentiment before and I found it frustrating then, I find it dehumanizing and disgusting now.
He was holding and talking about a person, not only a person but his person. A person for whom he is responsible, totally.
He said the baby was alright because they only cry when they’re hungry.
His wife corrected him, which I suppose is all one really needs to know about his level awareness.
Another friend of a friend commented that having more than a few kids was grossly irresponsible emotionally, but mostly environmentally. Which is so laughably ridiculous that I don’t even know what to say. Especially coming from a person that works in tech.
Children are new souls given into our care, fresh humans who ask only for love, and the degree to which they receive it determines their health and growth. Projecting bullshit about what it means to be a good person on to a person that can do no wrong is hideous.
If Roby never learned to speak, or to walk, or to tell jokes, would she not be worth my time?
Mostly it makes me sad for the parents who deny themselves a relationship with this absolutely enthralling and purely honest explorer just mapping the world. Then it makes me sad for the child, because they aren’t being given the respect they deserve.
Everything Roby does is an exploration first of herself, then of the world and the people in it, us.
She cannot do wrong, and witnessing her perfect entry into the world has taught me more than any other person. To think that her inability to use words to describe her experience somehow diminishes our relationship is just sad and weird. Truth be told, if she had the communication skills of a linguistics PHD our time together would be less valuable than it is now, wordless.